To make it possible for everyone to attend church next Sunday, we are going
to have a special "No Excuse Sunday".

Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only
day to sleep in."

There will be a special section with lounge chairs who feel that our pews
are too hard.

Eye drops will be available for those with tired eyes from watching T.V.
late Saturday night.

We will have steel helmets for those who say " The roof would cave in if I
ever came to church."

Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold and
fans for those who say it is too hot.

Score cards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites
present.

Relatives and friends will be in attendance for those who can't go to church
and cook dinner, too.

We will distribute "Stamp Out Stewardship" buttons for those who feel that
church is always asking for money.

One section will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek
God in nature.

Doctors and nurses will be in attendance for those who plan to be sick on
Sunday.

The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter
lilies for those who never have seen the church without them.

We will provide hearing aids for those who can't hear the preacher and
cotton for those who say he is to loud.